Sunday, June 18, 2006

Society Pages: Liza Tooyou and Monty Banc Wed!

Glamorous power couple, Monty Banc and Liza Tooyou made it official over Memorial Day weekend. Our best wishes to them, although with their vast wealth and influence, they will hardly need luck!

Friday, June 09, 2006

Billionaires Oppressed By Nasty Tree-Huggers At EarthFest!

The photo says it all: Ivana Moore-Enmoore pleads and D'Oyle Fields begs, but these two evil environmentalists forbid them from setting up their table and chairs in order to more comfortably enjoy Earthfest at the Hatch Shell. In the heat of the moment, Ivana and D'Oyle seemed to forget that they could buy and sell those two a million times over.

Oh well. We'll have to make up for in investments in legislation!

Photo by Angelique Haugerud. Thank you ever so much, darling!

Billionaires Discover A Fabulous New Way to Motivate the Rabble!

At Earthfest, The MA Lottery Commission was offering one $1 scratch ticket for every 25 used tickets turned in. These are some of the hundreds of people waiting in line for hours to redeem thousands of used lottery tickets they collected! Some of them have hundreds of thousands!

The Billionaires have always believed in motivating people to work by paying them very little money and giving them plenty of negative feedback - after all, it's how we treat our servants and factory workers! But these people have shown us a better way: motivate everyday Americans by making them work hard for just a chance of winning some money.

I believe if we calculated the amount of money these people won divided by the number of hours they worked and waited, we would have a number close to zero. Huzzah! A new way to make money off the labor of the rabble!

Billionaires Always Spring Back!

Even after the trauma of having their deluxe table excluded from the Hatch Shell, D'Oyle and Ivana smile and enjoy the music as if nothing untoward happened at all. It's amazing the amount of resilience vast wealth buys...

Of course, the fact that our corporations will kick those evil environmentalists butts in the next court challenge makes us secure!

Photo by Angelique Haugerud. I already thanked you, darling!