Billionaires Take Up A Collection to Help Trent Lott!

Trent Lott suffered mightily during Hurricane Katrina, losing his family mansion on the Gulf Coast and being left with only one or two homes to his name. And now we have learned his insurance company is not ponying up and he is suing.

In this season of giving, the Billionaires were moved enough by Trent's plight to take up a collection on Boston Common during rush hour. Here, Dee Foress Tayshun, Austin Tayshun and Ivana Moore-Enmoore brave the cold to pass the top hat and plead, "darling, won't you help?"

The sign reads, "In this Season of Giving...Help Us Rebuild Trent Lott's House! (Georgie needs a front porch on which to sit)". Photo by Avery Damon Penny, who was dressed as an art school student for some reason!

Bitsy Bauble in Rhinestones and Velvet!

Bitsy Bauble does her part to collect money for Trent. Poor man, he is down to his last 20 rooms for this holiday season!

Philanthropic Billionairesses!

Ivana explains to an everyday American why it is vitally important to help Trent in this season of giving. He is second-home less for the Holidays! Behind Ivana is Sylvia Spoons, resplendent in green satin. Please! Contribute to the Rebuild Trent Lott's House Fund!

Photo by Avery Damon Penny. Thank you, darling!

Buck Ets' the Red-Nosed Billionaire...

At Bagels Plus, Buck Etso'cash offers explanations for his red nose. Sure it was the cold, Buck! We believe you! In front of him is one of the hats used in the collection for Trent's mansion rebuilding effort. We collected a whopping $24.00, darling!

Boston Newest Billionairess!

Boston's newest Billionairess, Chelle Terre D'Assets, tries to find the maitre'd at Bagels Plus. Why can't she get a table by the window? And where are the celebrities?

Listening to Supposedly Humorous Carols

After warming up at Bagels Plus, some of the Billionaires attended a holiday party for Drinking Liberally. The hope was that we could convert some of those evil liberals to the Billionaires' cause, but instead we heard a speech from the executive director of Community Works, and some liberal "carollers" singing a "satirical" song about the "joys" of Wal-Mart. They don't like our Wal-mart, darling!!

Here, Dee Foress and Austin Tayshun listen with dismay to the carollers and their decidely anti-business message.

Liza Tooyou at the Drinkly Liberally Party

After the speechmaking and "carolling", Liza Tooyou kicks back with a beer* and gloats at the fact that she avoided donating money to anyone!

*even Billionairesses may slum from time to time, darling!

Ode to Trent Lott (new words to the old labor tune "Joe Hill" by Buck Etso'cash)

I dreamed about Trent's porch last night, where we passed gas and time. 
Trent serves the very best Kool-aid, it tastes like cheap red wine.
Just like cheap red wine.

Hurricane Katrina trashed his house, blew it to hell and gone.
And I got nice photo ops right on his front lawn.
Right on his muddy lawn.

I asked him, "Trent, can you re-build?  It takes a lot of cash. 
I know that you've stolen tons but you can't reveal that stash. 
You just can't tap that cash.

Trent smiled and said, "Hey, Georgie, boy, it won't cost me a dime. 
We tore up lots of safety nets but we saved yours and mine.
We saved yours and mine.

Fed’ral Flood Insurance covers me, and everything I own. 
When waters rise, God lifts me up though the poor sink like stones.
I'll watch them from my throne.

So bring the builders with their crews of illegal migrant scum. 
They'll work real cheap and take our crap or go back where they’re from.
Thank God they are so dumb.

I dreamed about Trent's porch last night, and thought, "It just ain't fair".
That hurricane blew down his town, but left his goldanged hair.
His silvery plastic hair.

Billionairess and Rich Oilmen Support Global Warming!

Last week, Moe Bill Oyle and N. Les Delay of CROAK (Concerned Rich Oilmen Against Kyoto) came to the Billionaires with news of a plot on the part of pesky environmentalists! They were planning on taking action to support the Conference on Kyoto Accords taking place in Montreal. Those tree-huggers were going to meet to discuss actions to be taken to prevent and mitigate global warming. Since that would mean horrible acts against Billionaires such as "energy efficient transportation" and "carbon caps", the Billionaires sprang into action! Here is the result: Billionairess and CROAK stand united in blocking the door to the meeting!

Our glamour and influence were so striking, the Boston Globe printed a photo of us. Sadly, the article following is only about those vexing environmentalists and their efforts. And tragically, The Globe got the names in the caption incorrect! Who is this "John Loretz"??!?

Left to right: Ivana Moore-Enmoore, Dick Blackwell, Darth Petrodollar, N. Les Delay (no relation to our Tommy).

Rich Oilman Bribes Candidate for Governor!

Dick Blackwell initiates the first step in ownership of a politician: buy them before they get elected! Here, he discusses the finer points of our investments in legislation with Deval Patrick after slipping him a billion dollar bill. So, if our darling Mitt doesn't run for re-election, we have the alternatives already sewn up! (And we all know that Mitt is unhappy being a mere Governor. Why else is he giving all those speeches nationwide?).

Disclaimer: billion dollar bills have no monetary value. We pass them out to everybody, so giving Mr. Patrick one hardly constitutes a bribe. We do hope it made him laugh, however!

CROAK Members Sing!

Concerned Oilmen Against Kyoto serenade the environmentalists with their version of ‘Old Oil Eyes’.